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How to Find Your Perfect Mate

Geese mate for life

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Herewith, from science and folklore, are over 20 surefire techniques for finding, attracting, and wedding the person you will love forever.

  • Roast hummingbird hearts, grind them into a powder, and sprinkle it on your beloved.
  • Kiss as many people as possible. Dr. Bubba Nicholson of Tampa, Florida, says that kissing is a way for us to taste semiochemicals on another's skin. Semiochemicals transmit biological signals of compatability and attraction.
  • Pluck a stalk of yarrow and stick it up your nose. If a drop of blood appears, your love is true.
  • Australian aborigines prepare a love potion from the testicles of kangaroos.
  • Think of the one you love while you swallow a four-leaf clover, and your love will be returned.
  • Upon hearing the first coo of a dove in the spring, take off your left stocking and look in the heel of it. You will find a hair the color of your true love's hair.
  • Swallow the heart of a wild duck.
  • On New Year's Eve, walk from one room to another while throwing a shoe over your shoulder, then look in a mirror and your mate's face will be there.
  • Place a snail in a pan of cornmeal, and the tracks it makes will spell your true love's initials.
  • Hide the dried tongue of a turtledove in a girl's room; she will love you forever.
  • In 18th-century France, a man told a woman three times that she was beautiful. The first time she was required to thank him, the second time to believe him, and the third time to reward him.
  • If you touch your little finger and forefinger behind your two middle fingers, you can have any sweetheart you like.
  • Swallow a white dove's heart, point downward, while resting your hand on the shoulder of one you love.
  • Hardboil an egg, cut it in half, discard the yolk, and fill the egg halves with salt. Sit on something you've never sat on before, eat the egg, and walk to bed backwards. You will dream of your future mate.
  • Walk around the block with your mouth full of water; if you don't swallow it, you will marry within the year.
  • Pull a hair from the head of a girl you like, and she will love you.
  • Pick an apple, prick it full of holes, carry it for a while under your left arm, then give it to your lover.
  • If you stub your toe, kiss your thumb and you'll see your beau.
  • Cut your nails on nine Sundays in a row.

Stop looking. Many experts agree that searching for a perfect mate is doomed. Be flexible and commit to the unknown. But if you must look, then carry the heart of an owl with you at all times.

Many more "techniques" are listed in The 1986 Old Farmer's Almanac.

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Comments

PRAYER.......

By herbgarden133

PRAYER.......

Guess I won't be getting a

By bbmema

Guess I won't be getting a mate with any of these suggestions. Anyone know a REAL suggestion?

Seems like a lot of animals

By SRM

Seems like a lot of animals had to die for love back in the old days ..... ROTFLMAO !

These are HILARIOUS.... &

By Christine Costantino

These are HILARIOUS.... & PJ...YOU are a HILARIOUS slap-happy guy!!! Thanks OFA for a great bit of Fun!!!

ok so don't try any of these

By russ8panic

ok so don't try any of these ideas.... this is retarded.

I don't know about these

By ldyhawk

I don't know about these techniques, but they sure were fun to read !!!

Surely they are kidding about

By PJ ... Moderator

Surely they are kidding about most of these techniques.

I haven't seen many hummingbirds around where I liove,

IF I was to kiss as many as possible, it is more than likely trhat I will have my face slapped that many times also!!

Don't get Yarrow or kangaroos around here !!

Are we supposed to chew the 4 leaf clover first ?

Don't get Doves around here,

The only wild ducks I am likely to come across have died of some disease, IF I swallowed their heart, I just may die of the same disease !!

IF I was to start throwing shoes around on New Years Eve, somebody is sure to be looking, to make sure that I haven't broken the mirror!!

Not sure about the snail tracks!!

IF I was to hide that dried turtledove's tongue in a girl's room (assuming I can find a turtledove in the first place) and she found it, I would get slapped again, and all the shoes that I threw on New years Eve, would be thrown back at me !!

18th Century France just may see the 3rd beautiful woman tell her husband, so more trouble again!!

I can touch those fingers, BUT does she like my fingers roaming too ?

No white doves here

Not eating salty eggs, they would kill me and so I would have no need for that sweetheart except to bury me!!

IF you can walk around the block with a mouthful of water, you will more than likely drown.

Pulling a hair off a girl's head is another surefire way to get slapped!!

Giving a girl a sweaty rotten apple will probably see it thrown back at me HARD !!

Cutting my nails that often will remove any nails that I might have, and so the only girls that I would likely meet are nurses, who will do their best to tell me bluntly how stupid I am.

Can't seem to win can I ?????

Ah well, and I wasn't trying to win them all, Just ONE !!

Happy Valentines Day!!

You are so funny.... I was

By twinkle1980

You are so funny.... I was thinking the same line as you except kissing all those guys I would probably get MONO or something in the same line.. "KISSING DISEASE" instead of being slapped
And s far as the doves, we have them where I live but to kill them just to do this.

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