How to Write a Thank-You Note

Put pen to paper in honor of National Handwriting Day!

thank-you-note-etiquette

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Why are thank-you notes important? How long does a thank-you note have to be? What should you say in a thank-you note? How do you write a thank-you note?

Why write a thank-you note?

Everyone loves to receive a gift, but writing a thank-you letter isn’t always as fun. However, a gift requires a thank-you note from the recipient, no matter what the occasion for the gift—a holiday, birthday, anniversary, religious event, award, or accomplishment.

Thank-you notes are also recommended when services have been performed (especially as a favor or for free), when hospitality has been provided, or in appreciation of generosity or thoughtfulness.

When should a thank-you note be written?

Immediately. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes.

What is needed for a thank-you note?

A blue or black ink pen on fine stationery, a blank card, or suitable notepaper.

How do I write a thank-you note?

Practice. Before using your “good” paper, gather your thoughts and jot them on a piece of scrap paper.

Keep each note short—three or four sentences is fine. You can express your thanks just as sincerely as you can in several paragraphs.

  1. Write something personal/emotional about the giver.  Do not use the word “I”: A thank-you note is not about you, it is about the person who gave you the gift. Some examples include “You are so thoughtful!” or “How did you know … ?” or “Your presence at [EVENT] was a gift, but the [GIFT] made it a truly special day.”
  2. Comment on what will you do with the gift (especially if it is money) and/or how you will use the gift (e.g., in school, on vacation, at work, in the kitchen, etc.). Be specific. “Thank you so much for the beautiful set of wineglasses! We really enjoy entertaining, so the glasses will get plenty of use”).
  3. Express your thanks for the gift and the giver, e.g., his or her thoughtfulness or generosity or on what a special place he or she occupies in your family or heart or circle of friends.

Be authentic, be original, be sincere.

Once you are satisfied with your thank-you sentences, write them on the “good” paper.

  • Start with “Dear [NAME],”
  • End with cordial regards, e.g., “Sincerely,” or “With love,” or “You’re the best!” or “Yours truly,”
  • Sign the thank-you note.
  • Address the envelope, put a postage stamp on it, and mail it.

Can I print—not write in cursive—a thank-you note?

Printing a thank-you note is acceptable.

Can I just say “thank you” to the giver?

You can—and should—say “thank-you” to the giver when you receive a gift, but a proper appreciation should be expressed on paper and sent by mail.

Can I use email, social media, or the phone to say “thank you”?

You can express your thanks in those ways, but no one or all of those is adequate. Nothing beats a thank-you note written on paper and sent in an envelope.

If I do not like the gift, do I need to send a thank-you note?

Yes—but if you do not like a gift, do not reveal your displeasure in the note. Focus on your appreciation of the giver’s thoughtfulness, generosity, and good intentions. Remember the adage “It’s the thought that counts.” Keep an open mind: You may actually develop a fondness and appreciation for the item later.

What difference will a thank-you note make?

If you send a thank-you note, you and the gesture will never be forgotten. If you do not, you will not be forgotten either, but not for the same reason nor with the same regard.

At what age should kids send thank-you notes?

It’s a great idea to get children in the habit of writing their own thank-you notes by preschool age. If your child can’t write yet, transcribe the note for him and have him write (or scribble!) his name at the end. Recipients—whether grandparents, other family members, or friends—are guaranteed to be delighted!

Say thank you with a note … and a gift!

It’s OK to go overboard with your appreciation and send a thank-you gift. Make your own gift jars with something edible inside or see other fun gifts you can make in the kitchen.

All this talk about gifts got us thinking about what to give for a big event.

Check out our list of best wedding gifts.

Do you have any tips for writing the best thank you cards? Let us know below!

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Reader Comments

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Thank you notes

When did it become common practice NOT to send a thank you note for a shower or wedding gift? Brides no longer open gifts at the reception so guests do not get to see any of them. I have been to several weddings lately and did not receive a thank you from anyone. Many of these were close relatives. Does that mean we don't merit a thank you for the gifts? The same goes for birthdays. I don't need a thank you note, but a word or two would be nice. At times I wonder if the gift even arrived. Where have manners gone to die? Should I stop giving gifts to ungrateful people?

Little things mean so very much

My grandmother had some very specific instructions when it came to writing notes and letters, especially thank-you notes. They went something like this: Do not begin any letter or note with "I". The less that particular word is used, the better -- if it must include a personal pronoun, try to phrase it using "me," "my," "we," or "our". Remember that a thank-you note is not about you. It is, first and foremost, about the person who gave the gift: their thoughtfulness, generosity, their good taste and discernment. Secondly, it is about the gift itself. Third, it's about what makes it the perfect choice. Be specific, as the writer of the article suggests. Even a gag gift is about the giver's great sense of humor, how funny it is, and how apt. People like to be acknowledged, especially young people. Saying or doing something that makes it about the giver personally, and lets them know that you put a little extra effort into thanking them, will make their day a little bit brighter. Two or three sentences is often plenty to get all that across.

If a person takes the time to

If a person takes the time to purchase a gift, if possible, the receiver, of that gift, as a courtesy, should send a thank-you note.

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