Humor Me: Grins, Groans, and 19th-century Nonsense

Oysters for My Horse

A gentleman once came into an inn on a very cold day and could find no room near the fire. Calling to the innkeeper, he asked that a peck of oysters be delivered to his horse in the stable.

“Your horse will eat oysters?” inquired the host.

“Just try him,” replied the gentleman.

Immediately, the people ran out to see this wonder, and the gentleman had his choice of fireside seats.

Shortly thereafter, the innkeeper returned with the oysters, reporting that the horse would have nothing to do with them.

“Well, then,” answered the now comfortably ensconced gentleman, “I guess I shall have to eat them myself.”
 

The Damsel’s Puzzle

A gentleman paying attentions to a lady at last summoned up sufficient courage to ask if she was pleased by them and if he might flatter himself with a chance of success.

The damsel replied: “Stripes,” telling the gentleman to transpose the letters so as to
form out of them another word that was her answer. (*Answer below.)
 

The Wonders of Blunders

• There is a tombstone in a New York graveyard on which is this epitaph:
  
  “Erected to the memory of John Phillips, accidentally shot as a mark of affection by his brother.”
   
• Along with a poetry submittal to an editor came the introductory letter:
  
  “The following lines were written 50 years ago by one who has for many years slept in his grave merely for his own amusement.”
   
• A Philadelphia paper, referring to the masses, announced that a certain speaker would address “them asses” at National Hall.
   

Ashes to Ashes

On being told that a local chimney sweep had passed away while cleaning a flue, a wag remarked: “Well, then, it was a sootable death.”
 

A Dewsy of an Answer

Professor: “When rain falls, does it ever rise again?”

Student: “Yes, sir.”

“When?”

“Why, in dew time.”
 

Nuisance

“You are a nuisance; I’ll commit you!” said an offended judge to the noisy person in court.

“But your honor, it’s against the law to commit a nuisance.”

 

Sum Brewing Trouble

“What did you have at the first saloon you stopped at?” asked a lawyer of a witness in an assault and battery case.

“Four glasses of ale.”

“What next?”

“Two glasses of whiskey.”

“Next?”

“One glass of brandy.”

“Next?”

“A fight.”

Ready for more smiles?  See more humor and 19th century nonsense.

*Answer from The Damsel’s Puzzle: Persist