Subhead Lots of Laughs from The Old Farmer's Almanac The Editors November 12, 2021 For daily wit & wisdom, sign up for the Almanac newsletter. Email Address You won’t believe some of these headlines, and our jokes and puns will have you giggling! Share some laughs with The Old Farmer’s Almanac! Great True Headlines from History 1. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 2. Hospitals Sued by 7 Foot DoctorsRead Next 10 (Not-So-) Great Headlines True But Hilarious Answers and Jokes Funny Puns and Jokes 3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 5. War Dims Hope for Peace 6. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 7. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash 8. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 9. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 10. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Funny Words: What Certain Words Really Mean Straight from The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational, some alternate meanings that you can feel free to use! Oyster, noun: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms Coffee, noun: the person upon whom one coughs Esplanade, verb: to attempt an explanation while drunk Flabbergasted, adj.: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained Flatulence, noun: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller Negligent, adj.: absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown Testicle, noun: a humorous question on an exam 19th-Century Pun Two scholarly gentlemen were dining when one noticed a spot of greasy gravy on the other’s tie. “Ah, I see you are Grecian,” said the observer. “Pooh!” replied his companion. “Now, that’s far-fetched!” “Not at all,” the first responded. “I made it up on the spot.” How to Become a Permanent Job Seeker Honesty is good, but sometimes discretion would have been better—as evidenced by these true quotes from job interviews. “I’m really not a big learner. I’d much rather work at a place where the job is pretty stagnant and doesn’t change a lot.” “My parents told me that I need to get a job, so that is why I’m here.” “I saw the job posted on Twitter and thought, Why not?” “What is two weeks’ notice? I’ve never quit a job before—I’ve always been fired.” “If this doesn’t work out, can I call you to go out sometime?” Check out more hilarious job interview quotes! The Corniest Bar Joke of All Time A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer, please, and one for the road.” Not enough? Here are more jokes, puns, and humor from the Old Farmer! Amusements For daily wit & wisdom, sign up for the Almanac newsletter. Email Address ADVERTISEMENT Advertisement More Like This 10 (Not-So-) Great Headlines True But Hilarious Answers and Jokes Funny Puns and Jokes Jokes, Puns, and Old-Time Humor Funny Research Awards, Plus Puns and Jokes! Jokes and Puns from The Old Farmer ADVERTISEMENT Comments Add a Comment ADVERTISEMENT
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