It’s time for another edition of “Humor Me” from The Old Farmer’s Almanac! Read at your own risk!
A farmer walked into a hardware store and while purchasing some tools was asked by the proprietor if he would like to buy a bicycle.
“You won’t have to keep a bicycle fed,” said the storekeep, “and you can ride around your farm on it. They’re getting cheaper now, and I can let you have one for 35 dollars.”
“I’d rather put the 35 dollars into a cow,” said the farmer.
“Well,” said the hardware man sarcastically, “you’d look almighty foolish riding around your farm on a cow, now, wouldn’t you?”
“No more foolish, I guess,” said the farmer, “than I would milking a bicycle.”
An important educator once visited a primary school and proceeded to examine and question the pupils. After the pupils had answered a great many questions, he asked, “Now, is there anyone here who would like to ask me a question?”
No one replied, so he asked the question again.
Finally, one little hand went up.
“Yes, what is it?” he asked indulgently.
“Please, sir,” came a tired little voice, “what time does your train leave?”
In Connecticut, there was a court case involving an 8-day clock, which the plaintiff claimed had been stolen.
“You get the clock,” said the judge.
“But what do I get?” asked the defendant.
“You get the 8 days.”
“The lies the dad-blamed newspapers publish about us,” said one politician to another, “are enough to drive a man to drink.”
“Yes, that’s so,” replied the other, “but still we have no cause for complaint.”
“Why not?” asked the first, in surprise.
“Well, it could be much worse,” came the reply. “They might publish the truth.”
A Sufficient Reason
“Why do you use so much tobacco?” asked an Englishman of an American.
“Because I chews,” was the reply.
At the close of a service, a certain dull clergyman announced that there would then be a meeting of the Board. All of the congregation, with the exception of the Board of Trustees and one stranger, rose and left. The clergyman waited a little and then addressed the stranger, saying, “My brother, perhaps you misunderstood me. This is to be a meeting of the Board.”
“Yes,” replied the stranger, “go right ahead. I was never so bored in all my life.”
Want more old-fashioned jokes? Check out last month’s Humor Me!