More Laughs from The Old Farmer

How My Grandpa Made a Good Living

In the early days of the United States, when cars were still an oddity, highways were nonexistent. Pavement usually ended at the city limits, and drivers were on their own to find their way down rutted lanes and across open fields.

One day, a driver of one of the new gas buggies was making his way down a narrow lane and came to a large fence-to-fence mud hole. After some hesitation, he raced his motor and made a run at the puddle, hoping that his momentum would carry him to solid ground. Halfway across, his vehicle stalled and sank up to its running boards.

As he sat deciding what to do, my grandfather showed up driving a tractor. Grandpa yelled, “Hey, you wanna get pulled out? I’ll do it for five dollars!”

The driver thought that this was highway robbery, but having no choice, he responded, “Okay.”

Grandpa waded into the hole, hooked a chain to the stalled vehicle, and pulled it onto solid ground. As the driver handed over the five-dollar bill, he said, “It looks like you have found an easy way to make a living.”

Grandpa replied, “Well, I wouldn’t agree that it’s easy. I have to haul the water for this mud hole all the way from the river.”

If You Answer “Yes” to All of These Questions…

• Can you start the day without caffeine?
• Can you get going without pep pills?
• Can you always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains?
• Can you resist complaining and boring others with your troubles?
• Can you eat the same food every day and be grateful for it?
• Can you understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time?
• Can you take criticism and blame without resentment?
• Can you ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him or her?
• Can you resist treating a rich friend better that a poor friend?
• Can you conquer tension without medical help?
• Can you relax without liquor?
• Can you sleep without the aid of drugs?
• Can you live without watching television?

…more likely than not, you are the family dog.

Pundemonium

• The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

It’s Apparent

What is the difference between a bald man, a prince, an orphan, and a monkey’s mother?

• A bald man has no hair apparent.
• A prince is an heir apparent.
• An orphan has nary a parent.
• A monkey’s mother is a hairy parent.