Amusement From The Old Farmer's Almanac
Once again, here are some funny jokes and old-time humor from The Old Farmer’s Almanac. Maybe it bring you a lift or a laugh!
An old Yankee was smoking in the waiting room of a railroad station when a porter said to him: “Don’t you see that notice on the wall? ‘No Smoking Allowed.’”
“Sure,” said the old fellow, “but how can I keep all your rules? There’s another on the wall that says ‘Wear Acme Corsets’.”
Trials of a Teacher
The teacher was having some trouble with a little fellow in her spelling class.
“B-e-d spells bed,” she explained over and over again. “B-e-d, bed. B-e-d, bed. Do you understand?”
“Now, then. C-a-t spells cat. D-o-g spells dog. And b-e-d spells? What did I tell you b-e-d spells?
“Don’t know? After all I’ve told you?”
“Well, once more: B-e-d spells what you sleep in. Now, what do you sleep in?”
“My drawers!” exclaimed the pupil triumphantly.
The telephone rang with anxious persistence.
“Yes?” answered the doctor.
“Oh, doctor,” said a worried voice, “something seems to have happened to my wife. Her mouth seems set and she can’t say a word.”
“Why, she may have lockjaw,” said the medical man.
“Do you think so? Well, if you are up this way sometime next month, I wish you would stop in and see what you can do for her.”
Defeated candidate: “You encouraged me to run for office. You know you did. You said you thought I wouldn’t make a bad alderman.”
Trusty pal: “Well, the returns seem to show that I was right.”
The Real News
“Your wife,” said the reporter, “and the man with whom she took off have been found in New York. They were on their way to California, but they lost their money and are stranded in the city.”
“Well … ?” said the man, quite unmoved.
“Why … er … we thought you might want the news.”
“That is not the news,” said the husband. “The news is that I have just sent them enough money to keep going.”
As man and his motor have brought it about,
The angler must learn, if he hopes to take trout,
Two dominant factors in fisherman’s luck:
The schedule and route of the hatchery truck.