Jokes About Taxes and More Humor

Grins and Groans from The Old Farmer's Almanac

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This year’s tax filing deadline is fast approaching. Here are a few jokes to help lighten the mood!

What Do You Think About Taxes?

  • “One difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” –Anonymous
  • “The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.” –Will Rogers
  • “It is more deductible to give than to receive.” –Henry Leabo
  • “Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.” –Evan Esar
  • “An income tax form is like a laundry list—either way, you lose your shirt.” –Fred Allen
  • “Tax reform is when you take the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and put taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.” –Art Buchwald
  • “I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.” –Soupy Sales
  • “There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist—the taxidermist leaves the hide.” –Mortimer Caplan, former IRS director

EASY ROWS

A certain farmer was locally famous for the fine crops he raised of potatoes and onions, especially in very dry seasons. 

Asked how he did it, he replied that it was really very easy: He simply planted the two crops in alternate rows. 

Then, he said, the onions caused the potatoes’ eyes to water, and the consequent moisture kept both crops plentifully irrigated.

A SHEEPISH TALE

It seems that a Maine farmer’s trepidation over once again shearing his big, boisterous, and butt-y ram proved unnecessary, as the old sheep passed away on the night before the deed was to be done.

Might’s well shear him anyway before he buried him, thought the farmer. Why waste the wool?

So he dug a 5-foot trench and was commencing the shearing when an out-of-state car pulled into the driveway. The driver was just looking for directions, but, seeing the performance in progress, lingered to watch.

The shearing being completed, the farmer was proceeding with the burial when the onlooker voiced his curiosity. “Makes you appreciate the wool more,” he said.

The farmer nodded his assent while widening the bottom of the hole to accommodate the ram’s stiffening legs. 

“I’ve never seen that done before,” the observer continued, as the farmer finally dumped the ram into the pit. “I didn’t realize they had to be dead first.”

The farmer paused at this, considered the ram a bit, and then replied: “I don’t know about the others, but I’d have never been able to get him in the hole if he wasn’t, let alone keep him there while I covered him up.”

Enjoy some more good old-fashioned jokes!

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